Lube

As Always with the Taboo Files, the contents of this post are meant for adults and are of a sensitive nature. They are meant for educational purposes, for those who could use some guidance. If you are easily offended or embarrassed, please check out another post. Rude, hurtful, or degrading comments will not be approved, so please don't bother to leave them.


When I got married I didn't really know anything about sex- so my wedding night didn't exactly go as planned. Instead, I ended up curled in a ball, sobbing in pain and disappointment because 13 year olds could do something I couldn't. This probably actually did some long lasting damage to our sex life. What I wish I had known is what lube is, what it's for and what kinds you really want to use for stuff. I was at a bachelorette party several months later and this really conservative girl from a strict religious background. She said that her and her husband didn't have much sex because it wasn't enjoyable. Later she mentioned that they didn't use lube. When asked why, she said that they had used it the first couple of times they had had sex- and she had gotten a UTI from it.
           Oh hunny. *Sigh* I really wish that girls like this had someone to talk to. In reality, her UTI was probably caused by the fact that she had been having sex (which can introduce bacteria into the vaginal tract) , had been taking baths, swimming or hot tubbing, and was not properly cleansing herself. Hardly any girls are taught the importance of feminine cleansers.

          Lube is designed to make sex better. And there are thousands of different brands and types and styles out there. NOT all of them will work for you, NOT all of them will work for everyone the same way, and NOT all of them are useful for everything.

Types

Water based: This is usually what you want, and it comes in lots of styles (cream, gel, warming, jelly, etc).  Basically a water based lube is going to be made mostly with water, wash off easier, and  be less sticky. Cons: Not meant for toys, This will wear off faster than a silicone based lubricant, You can't use this in the shower or tub.

silicone based: These will be a little heavier, they will last longer and are meant for water play (showers, tubs, etc) Cons: Do NOT use with toys, will also tend to be stickier and will not wash away as easily.

Toy: This is also a thicker lubricant, but it is specifically designed for use with toys. If you want to use sex toys, be sure that the lube you are using won't damage them (They are expensive!)

Styles

Jelly: like the name suggests, this is a thick, jelly-like substance. Because of it's make-up it is not particularly long lasting, nor does it mimic your body's natural fluid. If you want to use a water based lube for toys, use a jelly.  Also, Jelly is ideal for anal penetration.

Liquid: This is my personal favorite. It is thin; a lot like water and is very close to your body's natural fluid. It will last longer then a jelly and be more comfortable. Be careful though, it is very runny and will easily get EVERYWHERE. it's also easy to get too much.

Gel: This is in-between a Jelly and a Liquid. This is more meant for women then men. It will be thicker, and last a bit longer. some may not feel as natural as others, and many will be silicone based.

Cream: This is usually meant more for males than women, and will provide them with more pleasure during penetration. Different lubes for men and women can be a good idea in order to provide a more pleasurable experience for both.

Variations

Warming: This will have a tingling feeling that makes your parts feel warmer. Generally, this will heighten pleasure and make sex feel better. Some warming lubes may be too intense for you though, so try them out on your inner thigh or something before applying to your sensitive areas. (Personally, Equate's Warming Personal Liquid Lubricant has been our favorite, though their regular one is fine too)

Edible: This means that the lube is safe to ingest. These lubes are great for things like oral sex because they can mask unpleasant flavors and some can help numb your throat. These will be a bit of a waste if you have no intention of going down on your partner.

Gynecologist

As Always with the Taboo Files, the contents of this post are meant for adults and are of a sensitive nature. They are meant for educational purposes, for those who could use some guidance. If you are easily offended or embarrassed, please check out another post. Rude, hurtful, or degrading comments will not be approved, so please don't bother to leave them.

LONG before you get pregnant, you should have a gynecologist. A lot of strict religious families don't encourage women's health, because why would their daughter need to have her vagina looked at it? She isn't having sex, she isn't having a baby, she doesn't need birth control. The End. I grew up with a vaginal disease and I never even knew it.

Because I was going to be getting married, I decided to find a gynecologist so I could  get a check up and get some birth control. When I  went in, she told me that I had a tilted uterus, that I actually had a tail (my tail bone extended down to far and would break upon child birth), that I had a disease where my vagina did not create enough moisture to keep it healthy- which is why I struggle with it burning and itching so much, and that I had scoliosis. Yes, I have been to dozens of doctors for all sorts of problems and my gynecologist managed to catch two big problems that aren't even related to my vagina. Having a feminine health care specialistyou trust and like is really important because there are a lot of things that can go wrong. You can get UTI's, Yeast Infections, cancers, STD, HIV, and of course- when you get pregnant, it's nice to already have someone in your corner.

Shortly after getting married, I started having a lot of pain when urinating, my urine changed colors, and it smelled different- like food. I've never been a fan of web diagnosing, I wasn't pregnant, and I wasn't really comfortable calling my mom or my friends- so I went to my gynecologist. Her first questions were: "Have you had an increase in: Sexual Activity, Swimming, Hot Tubbing or taking baths?" my response was "Well, I just got off my honeymoon- so yes to all." turns out that all of those activities can lead to UTI

How To Build A New Look

I’m the type of person that gets bored really easy; which has led me to being really fluid. Every now and then, my boredom leads me to an overhall. No matter how much I love my clothes, jewelry, makeup, hair- I need a new look. I spent four years in fashion school, I know how to buy clothes I like- But when it comes to getting  a new wardrobe- things can get daunting. For me, when I’m buying a new wardrobe- I’m actually changing my style.  I like the *shock* factor (people looking at me and going “Woah! You look so different!”) so I never do anything slowly.

So, I decided to look around the internet to find some help on changing your style/look. I was very disappointed in what I found. All anyone tells you is

·         Buy re-mixable pieces

·         Know your style

·         Try things on

·         Buy pieces you love

*Sigh*  I’m getting really sick of “ How-to’s” that are zero help- So I decided to go through and make my own guide from a fashion trained girl who likes to change who she is

When I was 13-15 I was big into vintage inspired eclectic clothes (long, drapey sleeves, deep necklines and uneven hems)

When I was  about 16, I went through a overhall. Skulls,  ties, bows, pink and black, ripped up clothes, safety pins, mesh, sharpie/paint splatter

Then at 18, I had a horrible breakup, and my style changed again. This time I was more into party  girl styles- sequins, dark/edgy lace, zippers, lots of black

Recently, I went shopping. I had found pictures on pinterest that I liked- and I went in search of clothes like that. The result was a sophisticated, feminine and adult style. I remember looking in the mirror on the way to work and saying to myself “Wow, who is that?” That’s how I want my clothes to make me feel.

Step One: Identify What You Want to Become

• Who is it you want to be? What is the new style you are after? 
• Create a style board of looks you like on Pinterest. Don't worry about any "rules" yet.  If you like it, pin it
• Scroll through your board. What do you see? Don't look at individual outfits just yet. If these clothes belonged to one person- what would you define their style as? Vintage, goth, retro, trendy, feminine, athletic ?

Look up your favorite celebrity What clothes do they wear that you love? Are there items you wish you had/could pull off? give em a try (at least try them on at the store. If they look bad- don't buy them and no one ever has to know. If they look awesome....well, everyone will be jealous and think you're ballsy

Step Two:Shop Your Closet

• open your closet. What do you see? How would describe the style of the owner of those clothes? What it the style of that person?
• make a positive or negative list of the styles
• Take everything out of your closet. Separate it into three pile love,  meh, nuetral
• Put together your favorite outfits. Now identify WHY it's your favorite. Do you like the way it looks, the color, the fit, the style?  
• What item makes it your favorite? The shoes, top, bottoms, etc
• Put together your favorite outfits- now change one thing. Change the shoes, jewelry or the bottoms.
• Make a pile of things you don't like or that don't fit
• Before getting rid of them- analyze what you don't like. Try to belt it, tie it, tuck it, wear it with something new, add a cardigan or different accessories, maybe you just need something that goes with it. Sometimes we are simply bored with a piece- and certain issues (like fit) can be fixed easily.If you still don't like it, get rid of it.
• Take pieces you have never worn together and mix and match
• make an inspiration board by taking pictures of yourself in a variety of different outfits and looks. Dress up and down different looks- and then hang the pictures in your closet. When you are in a hurry- it's really nice to have a reference
• Have a friend come over and act as a personal stylist. Let them dress you. They may come up with combos you never thought of
• Get rid of your old comfortable _____. You are more likely to default to your worn out comfy tee, then put on something glamorous. I have an areopostal shirt I got when i was 12 as a Christmas present. It was edgy and comfy- and I kept it till I was 22, and it was holey (in bad places) . Get rid of it- this will force you to wear other things

Step Three: Get To Know YourselfTo avoid major fashion mistakes, or purchases you regret- you need to have a solid grasp of yourself and what you are looking for. Maybe you want vintage items, trendy items, girly items, goth items. DO NOT run out and buy a bunch of those items. This part will require Shopping ....*erhm*..I mean..."Research"

• Look at yourself in a mirror- and try to identify what your body type is. Grab a measuring tape if you need to.
• Before shopping, do your hair and makeup in your favorite way, put on your favorite outfit and shoes. This will make you feel better about yourself. Also, if an item doesn't look great while you're at your BEST- it's not going to look good when you're in hurry to get out the door, your hair is wet, and makeup just isn't happening.
•  Get a bunch of camisoles or under shirts in every color under the sun and try them  on (no need to buy them). Take notes on how each color looks on you and  how it changes you appearance (For example: I can't wear hot pink, bright or sky blues, yellows,oranges, or neons. All of these make my skin look off. I also can't wear colors that are similar to my hair color. I DO look good in mint, coral, soft pinks, navy, cream, white, olive,black and burgundy) This will help you identify your personal colors, and keep you from making expensive mistakes on clothes you will never wear.
• Try something that scares you. For me, it was candy colored jeans. Now, I wear them with everything. Maybe it's a glittery jacket, skirts, a new color, scarves, or a new shoe style. Try these things while you are shopping- and wear them with a variety of things (If you want candy colored jeans, try on some pairs with a variety of tops that you like.), this will help you be sure that you can actually WEAR them; and that they will interrogate into your wardrobe well

Go through your pinterest board identify items and colors that crop up a lot- and go try them on. How do they fit? do they look good on your body? If not, skip them. No matter how trendy/iconic/cute they are, if it doesn't look great on you- you won't wear it. (For example, peplums, batwings, and bubble skirts are all no-nos for me) Knowing what does and doesn't work for your body will not only keep you from making costly mistakes- but will also save you time next time you need to shop.  

• Take those items that you like- and try them on  with some other pieces

Make Your New Look

• Now that you know what looks good on you, re-evaluate your pinterest board. Find two-four outfits you really love. Can you create them from things you already have? What pieces do you need to make that look? Are those pieces re-mixable (can you wear them with lots of different tops/bottoms, can you belt/tie/tuck it, can you pair it with several different styles/colors  of shoes, can you mix it with a blazer/caridagan/moto jacket)
• Make it yours. I like being unique and wearing things other people don't. Try taking thing you love from other generes (like how I was edgy with hippie braids and jewelry, feminine nails, goth spikes, etc) or take items from other decades (leg warmers from the 80s, hair from the 50's, sunglasses from the 60's etc)
• Get bold accessories that AREN'T shoes or a bag
• Buy a bold, unique bag
• mix up your shoe style. Buy some attention grabbing shoes that go with most of your wardrobe
• Dye your hair (remember- bold colors mean that you need to look pulled together ALL THE TIME in order to pull it off. Messy brown hair with no make up, sweats, a frumpy tee and sneakers is one thing; but change that to hot pink hair; and now you look unkempt and gross. Having a bold hair color will make you look worse- so you need to be polished if you want to pull it off. Also research how much  upkeep the color will need...Oh, and keep in mind your clothing colors (If all your clothes are neon pink, don't dye your hair all pink, etc))
• Get a haircut. This is always an awesome idea. You can also do this instead of a dye, if you want a more subtle look
• If you aren't sure what to do with your hair- ask around and find a great stylist. Dress up in an outfit that optimizes the look you are going for. Go to the stylist and tell them you want something (feminine, goth, athletic, etc) They can probably help you. Just be SURE you are all on the same page before ANYTHING happens!
• Try a new nail color/style
• have your make up done professionally
• For me, I commit fully to my new look. Anything that I can't wear with my new style, or that doesn't fit what I'm trying to achieve- I get rid of. This gives me the "Whole new person" feel
• Before you take off ANY price tags from new items- put on you favorite skirt/jeans and shoes and try it out with the new tops. If it doesn't rock your world while you're in your favorite clothes; you won't like it with flats and boyfriend jeans. Do the same with  pants/ skirts and any accessories. Make a pile of  stuff to take back (if necessary) 

What I Use To Get Clear Skin In Less Than A Week

I have been struggiling for awhile with both acne and scarring. Try as I might- NOTHING was helping. I've tried using different types of acne washes, my cocoa butter soap, aloe vera, Tea tree oil, scar gel, zapzyt, new make up- all my normal things, and they weren't working. So I switched to all natural products from the company I work for. I now work for a handmade, all natural, bath and body company called Cosset Bath and Body.  I currently use clean sweep, Sweet Face, Face Envy, and Midnight Magic.

Clean sweep: Clean sweep is facial cleanser that is made without sulfates, parabans, harsh chemicals, or artificial gunk. The activated charcoal in the soap pull out impurities, dirt, and excess oils from your skin. One side is rough from the charcoal, and the other is smooth. This allows you to choose either a traditional smooth wash, or mild exfoliation. The star Anise in the soap is a natural anti-bacterial, which cleanses and detoxifies the skin, it also lends the soap the smell of licorice.  Ylang Ylang oil balances out sebum production, and will regulate natural oil production. Hemp seed oil will moisturize and nourish the skin.

 Sweet Face: This is a gentle exfoliant made with a micro sugar that will never tear, damage or cut the skin. It is safe to use daily and is loaded with amazing oils to nourish and heal the skin. These include: Hemp oil- which is a deep penetrating oil that helps to close pores and make them apppear smaller. It also fights free radicals, and helped your skin maintain elasticity; Moroccon Argan oil and squalane- these provide nutrients to your skin, fight the effects of aging and are also acne solutions; Caffeine- this awakes your skin, brightens, reduces scarring, reduces wrinkles and helps repair cells to maintain and restore youthful glow.

Face Envy: This is our variation on a facial moisturizer. I say "version" because it is not a lotion. Instead- Face Envy is a deep penetrating, dry oil that is comogenic (it won't clog your pores). It is made with the same blend of oils as sweet face- and includes shea oil (to moisturize and protect), Lavender, and Ylang Ylang essential oils to maintain a healthy balance of oil in your face, which will produce a youthful face.

Midnight Magic : This is our newest product. It is designed as a night cream for wrinkles, discoloration and other skin problems.It is packed with age defying ingredients such as Vitamins A, C, and E, as well as caffeine.

I  recently  added the new Midnight magic to my routine- and this is the result. I was pretty impressed. 

March 6, 2015 pm

March 7, 2015 am

March 7, 2015 pm

March 8, 2015 am

March 11, 2015 pm

 My nightly routine is to wash my face with clean sweep. I allow to let it to sit for a few moments to let it draw out the impurities in my skin. After rinsing it off, I exfoliate with Sweet Face for three minutes. When I'm done, I rinse my face again and dry it. I then use rose water as a toner. I then smooth on a thick layer of midnight magic.

In the morning I wash my face with the clean sweep, use the rose water toner, and then top it off with face envy

To buy these products- go to cossetbathandbody.com

Hair Update

So last year, I had struggles with my hair and was worrying about it growing and trying to encourage it to do so faster. I just wanted to post a quick update.

February 1, 2014

March 1, 2014

The picture on the left is day one of my hair journey- the day after my "Big Chop." The one on the right  is a month later.

...And this is a year later- March 12, 2015

Places To ACTUALLY Get Inexpensive Clothes Online

So, I'm not actually a huge fan of online shopping as a general rule- but recently I've stumbled across a few internet stores where you can buy brand new clothes, shoes, coats, and jewelry for thrift store prices. The problem is I can never remember where I just was- and if you search "buy cheap/inexpensive clothes online" You find a bunch of shops that think $30 for a sweater is cheap. It's not.

• 599Fashion- Everything here is $5.99 or less- even shoes! I ordered some jewelry from here. Some of it was great, some was really not. It came quickly though, with no problems.

• 10DollarMall- Everything here is $10 or less. I have ordered from them, and had no issues with quality.
• Aliexpress
• Alwaysunderpay- this site is for babies/ toddlers/ little kids- or costumes (boas, wings, etc)
• ClothesCheap
• DressLink
• freerunsday- these are discounted running/athletic shoes
• Iwantlingerie Awesome place for inexpensive costumes, corsets, tights, and of course, lingerie
• ModDeals- Not everything here is inexpensive- but...some things are really well priced
• RoseGal
• RoseWholesale
• SammyDress- inexpensive place to buy everything from dresses to shoes.
• TBDress.com
• TrendsGal.com
• http://www.cichic.com
• http://www.rhinestonejewelry.net- Tiaras and jewlery
• http://www.hairextensionsale.com- hair extensions and wigs
• 
  

Taboo Files

      I'm an LDS girl (not always the best one, but I still am). In my religion sex and sexuality are pretty taboo subjects. In our religion you aren't supposed to have premarital sex; and so because of that sex kind of gets this bad rap. You aren't supposed to be sexually involved with anyone, or watch porn or any of that- and a lot of parents won't talk to their daughters (or sons) about sex.
          Well, the problem with that, is that at some point those children become adults who get married. For me, when  got married- having sex with my husband felt so wrong because for years I'd had it drilled into my head that I wasn't supposed to do this. It was really hard to wrap my head around the fact that I was married now, and having sex wasn't a sin.
         Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with waiting until marriage to be intimate- but I don't like the way the subject is treated. I understand that it's a difficult subject to talk about and it's a delicate position for sure- but I think there needs to be a greater focus on why yous should wait until marriage and how wonderful it is when shared with your spouse.

      The other problem I've faced is that I'm clueless. I have so many questions and things no one prepared me for. I've spent time reading blogs, watching youtube videos and talking to my friends- but that is seriously a lot of work. I've decided to create "The Taboo Files" to talk about and discuss some of those issues that no one else really seems to want to discuss. If you are easily offended- go ahead and skip this. Any rude, degrading, offensive, judgmental or in otherwise disrespectful comments will not be approved: so please don't bother leaving them.