Tuesday, March 5, 2013

My Story.

A lot of the blogs you see are awesome-ly inspirational and show case people who have over come amazing hardships. I'm not nearly as unique and amazing as a great deal of those people. One of my favorite success stories is undressedskeleton.tumblr.com her story is incredible. Anyway, I wanted to provide a bit of a background for those readers who don't know me personally so that you can see a bit of method to m madness, and the randomness of my posts might make a little more sense.

When I was a child, my family moved around a lot, and I adapted well to living in new places and making new friends. When I was about 8, my family moved to a tiny speck of a town called Blanding. This is where I grew up, and sometimes my country bumpkin still shines through ;). I lived in Blanding up until I was 14. At this point, my parents were separated and I moved to live with my dad. This time though, the move was not easy on me and I didn't adjust well. I was lonely and angry at the world, and was slow to make friends. Six months later, I moved again to a small rental in a scary & industrial area. I lived here 3-4 months before moving back in with my mom. I stayed in Blanding with her for 4-5 months before my parents got back together, and my mom and I moved into my dad's apartment. We lived here for half a year before we found our current house. I have successfully lived in one house for five and a half years now- that's the longest I've ever stayed anywhere.

When I was fifteen, I started having bad problems with my menstrual cycle. I began to have periods for a month or two at a time, have a couple days off, and start again. I also bled unusually heavy. It got to the point where I would get really light headed and kinda pass out- so my parents took me  to the doctor. The first thing the doctor did was test my blood, or try to. She put the needle in, an this runny, watery yellow liquid came out. Yup, that was my blood. Apparently not only was this scary for me, but the staff as well.The doctor said I needed transfusions, and by the look of things, should already be on them- but I luckily did not have to go down that road. Instead I was pumped full of pills and iron, and went on my way.
   As we were searching for a cure for my menstruation problems, my doctor discovered that I had thyroid problems. This made sense because it runs in the family, on both sides. I was given another medication, and told to come back in a few weeks. The problem was, I didn't get better...I got worse. I was a fifteen year old, taking eight pills a day, three times a day; my muscles began to deteriorate and I lost a lot of my strength, it got so bad that I couldn't open a fridge without help (I still struggle with milk jugs); I began to sleep a lot. I would wake up at 7:30 am for school, sleep through my first two classes, struggle through the last class, come home and nap until dinner, wake up at 5:30 for dinner, and then go back to sleep until 7:30 am. I was so tired, all the time. I was groggy, walking from my bedroom to the kitchen (in our tiny two room apartment) would completely wear me out; I lost my stamina. Climbing a single flight of stairs would leave me on my knees retching and gasping for breath. I couldn't walk very far either. from the car to the school was my limit. I couldn't even go shopping because that was too much. I was young, and only 120lbs (which was a little chubby for my height, but still average), so this wasn't normal; Going anywhere was too much effort. I went to school  and the doctors. I saw the doctor every week, and got a new shot or at least my blood drawn. At one point my doctor started hinting that I wasn't going to live much longer. That's scary news when you're a kid...

And then the light at the end of the tunnel. I started seeing a pediatrician, and she went over all the notes and told me that my thyroid was actually just fine. She weaned me off of my medication (all of them), and little by little I got better. After being off the thyroid medication a few months, I was a fully functioning teenager again- though unfortunately, the misdiagnosis left some permanent damage. I'm still not very strong, I can't do a whole lot of exercises, sometimes my energy disappears, and the worst- I don't regulate body heat very well anymore. I have enough to keep my vital organs running- but I don't adapt to temperature changes very well, and a few degrees will make my teeth chatter.

I was also put on birth control. I hate it. When I started bc, I got demon cramps. I went off bc, they got better. Several years later I went back on- and the cramps came back even worse. Several self proclaimed experts have told me bc doesn't effect your cramps; but the physical evidence suggests otherwise, and I trust my own body more than I trust them.

A few years later I was diagnosed with psychosis, depression (psychotic depression), anxiety, and insomnia. I also personally believe that I have a minor case of OCD and a few other things, but I've never been diagnosed with those. The psychosis and anxiety have been a battle for me- and there's days where I just can't function.

And just about a year ago, after a ton of tests, I was diagnosed with IBS (basically "something is wrong, but we can't actually FIND anything wrong"). That's been a real battle too. Some times I'm in so much pain I can't even walk. Sometimes I cant keep food down. All the foods I love make me so sick, which is the reason I go to vegan diets. Meats, dairy, oils, sugar, caffeine, carbonation, chocolate, broccoli, sprouts, etc will make me really ill; which is so hard. Anyone who knows me knows I have major sweet teeth,  and love cheese and bacon on EVERYTHING.

Most recently, while I was at a pre-wedding checkup, my doctor discovered that I actually have sclerosis- which definitely explains  all my back pain.

I don't say these things for sympathy- I say these things so people know where I'm coming from and because I suffer from these things and know there must be others.

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